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1 Absolute Way to Avoid Becoming a Hater

Hispanic student standing behind unrecognizable classmates.

Our tendency to have dissatisfaction in life is common within the human experience.

           As I mentioned in a previous post, our brains are hardwired to defend. This also includes other characteristics that most would not readily admit (greed and gratification). Those impulses can quickly become destructive if we do not check them.

           How does one develop the ability to mitigate the impulse to become a hater?

           One method individuals can employ is practicing appreciating others’ success. This means having a sense of happiness for the prosperity of others. Instead of jealousy or playing the comparison game, try giving others their due.

           There becomes a sense of ease within yourself when you can curb the instinct to treat every success by others as a threat.

           It is natural to work with colleagues or spend time with family members or friends and marvel at those more fortunate than us. They could have more material possessions or them partaking in a fantastic relationship and wonder why the same is not true for us.

Happy African American woman blowing out candle during birthday party with diverse friends.

           Having the presence of mind to say congratulations and wish them the best alleviates many other complicated emotions.

           It frees you from needing to have direct competition with your peers.

           Besides, so many other unpredictable variables are involved when it comes to results in life. None of Michael Jordan’s brothers are as tall and athletic as him. If individuals with similar DNA and grow up in the same environment can have such huge differences in outcomes, how can we expect identical results regarding strangers?

           The “why me” thoughts will only make you miserable in the long run.

           If you attempt to do your best and work from your highest intelligence, there is no reason for hate or shame. While reaching for the stars has its place, there needs to be a balance between accepting the limits of our capacity.

           We cannot win every race in life; that mindset sets us up for disappointment.

           However, happiness for others’ success usually feels more manageable if I like the person. For someone, I have good vibes with, seeing them win still makes me hopeful. Even if I cannot duplicate what that person accomplished, I can share in the victory vicariously.

           For someone I cannot tolerate, the best I can say is, “good for them,” and then change the subject.

           That might qualify as a weak celebration, but I’m not hating. I’ve given them their brief respect but have no interest in dwelling on those thoughts for long. Wishing someone else happiness does not mean I have to lie to myself.

           I’m just refusing to carry the burden of hate that weighs you down over time.

           The best thing for all of us in this marathon race we call existence is to carry a light load. One way to accomplish that requires us to lessen the likelihood of acting out our worst instincts. Rejoicing in others’ success deters us from engaging in envious or hateful behavior.

Cheerful Asian businesswomen with cocktails after successful deal.
Photo by Sam Lion: https://www.pexels.

           This way, we can enrichen our relationships because people will feel safe sharing with us.

           Having people feel secure enough to share the best and worst moments in their life signifies their trust in you. It shows they know you are trustworthy and will not become jealous or vengeful. Those kinds of people are invaluable in today’s society, full of folks seeking attention and immediate gratification.

           So, carry yourself differently and enjoy the success of others. Don’t add hardship by engaging in hate; it makes living that much more depressing.

           What do you think? Do you believe appreciating individuals’ success is healthy or disingenuous?

Vertis Williams is a Positive Habits Life Coach and a Mindfulness Trainer. He is a regular presenter at employee and team-development events. Contact him to request more info on his Workshops or on his Coaching Services! Click HERE to Request a Complimentary Habit Coaching Session!

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