For those of us older folks with lived experience, we know what bothered us 20 years ago usually does not have the same impact today.
It does not mean we are absent any regret, but the emotional pain of most trauma has decreased since the incident. After some time has passed, if nothing else, one usually has gained some acceptance of the issue.
Usually, the days that have passed will allow some space between our emotions and the perceived wrong.
One usually develops more of a big-picture understanding around the contentious point. Nothing has changed, but we reframe what occurred in our minds to gain a new perspective on the event.
However, for some, things sometimes go differently.
People sometimes endure horrifying ordeals, and trying to clarify the topic can ring hollow. In many cases, attempting to gain discernment around gross events can seem insulting to those victims.
Why would I want to put a positive spin on what is evil?
There are some things where one will have difficulty finding anything resembling reasoning. Some acts are too disturbing to even approach such a line of thinking.
One can realize from those situations that some people in our society are sick beyond the point of repair.
To put any more thought into it besides that fact can sometimes invite more trouble than it is worth. The gratitude for surviving those rough times and the understanding that you will never repeat your experience is enough.
Specific memories may continue to trigger feelings within you occasionally, but those will become less and less frequent over the years.
It all seems to come down to the adage from German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, “What does not kill me makes me stronger.” I can absorb the pain, process it and decide the best course of action.
If one has gone a long period in life and remains stuck in the past, it is probably time to speak to a professional about the issue.
One does not need to feel shameful about needing assistance to cope with tragedy. Some events can happen early on, making it extremely challenging to sort out who you are regarding the suffering.
Whatever the pain, the goal will become letting the event in your mind go to a salient occurrence but not something which defines you.
To separate our essence from the trauma gives us the freedom to move forward and not attach ourselves to the worst moments of our life. It is helpful to see pain as a part of the human experience instead of an indictment of our being.
We took the punch and are still standing; the healing process can begin with this understanding.
Again, this may take getting help, but there is some peace for most of us to achieve. Do not let the pain of the past keep you from enjoying serenity in the present. Find the courage to establish respite in the here and now.
Vertis Williams is a Positive Habits Life Coach and a Mindfulness Trainer. He is a regular presenter at employee and team-development events. Contact him to request more info on his Workshops or on his Coaching Services! Click HERE to Request a Complimentary Habit Coaching Session!